Happy Birthday to you, 

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday my Jakey,

Happy Birthday to you.

Your first birthday in heaven. The first birthday since the day you were born that I don’t get to sing to you. 

I woke up this morning missing you more than I ever have. The hole in my heart feels extra big, extra raw.

Today I will remember your kind words to me. I will concentrate on all of the love I feel radiating from my chest when I close my eyes and focus on your handsome face. The last texts you ever sent to me. You wanted us to feel safe and happy and secure. You wanted me to be okay.

Im so lucky to have had you for 21 years. I will miss you for every breath I will ever take. Thank you for being the kind of brother you could rely on. Thank you for teasing me, testing me, loving me and growing up with me. Thank you for making me feel like someone’s hero. You certainly are mine.

I hope there’s fondant wherever you are. And that someone lets you pile it 6 inches high on your plate and that there’s a microwave around (yes, he microwaved things to make them more “smushy”. I hope there’s red slushies from Crane’s, purple hubba bubba, pan cheese and Sprite. I hope you’re smoking a giant cigar, wearing a bathrobe and a pair of sunglasses that cost more than the outfit I’m wearing.

I hope that if you’re reading this you will tell your family how much they mean to you today. I hope you can be honest and frank and kind to everyone you love. I always knew how much Jake loved me. There were no secrets, no shame.

I love you, bro. Today and everyday. You are the best brother. My best friend. I hope you and Dave have a beer for us.

Kelsey